Tag Archive | ghetto

The Family Unit

I have heard every curse word in the world flung at a two year old with what sounds like a combination of rage and psychotic glee. I have heard constant tormenting, screaming and what I can only assume are small bodies slamming against walls just moments after hearing cheerful goodbyes and a car door close.

Sometimes the other person will forget something, get out of the car and come back to hear the abuse. The abuse will immediately stop in their presence and the exaggerated happy voices saying things like “Oh, innit (isn’t it) wonderful that Johnny can see the keys are there?” will come back out again until about five seconds after the visitor leaves. They will even have gotten Johnny involved in the overly loud and artificially cheerful goodbyes as their guest walked out the door. It is almost comical (if it were not so horrific) and can be counted down precisely to the second if one has been observing it for long enough. There were days when England felt like hell on earth. The family is the core of a society. If they abuse each other like that, then what would they be willing to do to someone that isn’t family? It’s barbaric.


The Prized Welfare State

The natives of England consider welfare payments to be a prized national gem and mistakenly think that everyone else is out to take this treasure from them. They are absolutely convinced that every foreigner, even those from first world countries, have all traveled great distances just to steal their cherished welfare and role around in wondrous poverty and dependence on government along with the British.

The dissimilarity is built in to the language. In America we consider welfare a failure because so many people are on it, and in England they consider it a success because so many people are on it. The British don’t really understand that difference in language – they just understand that their successful welfare and booming teen pregnancy rates are a treasure bestowed upon them for eating and breathing so wonderfully – and that it is indeed a success in their terminology.


Quaint Row Houses

“People peek out from behind curtains as if frightened to be seen. Rubbish floats down the street, and sad or angry looking people plod down the walkways on occasion.  Grass will often go uncut unless the government housing management (called the council) can be bothered to do it. Young welfare mothers can be seen and heard screaming loudly to each other and pushing multiple prams (strollers) down the street. These type of English are not quiet when amongst themselves. They are loud, brash, and exceedingly rude and demanding in many cases. They feel entitled and they just want more, more, more and will try to force it out of anyone that they can.”

Modern Slave Quarters


Whilst out looking for a flat (apartment) to spend some time in out of the rain in the south of jolly ol’ England, I ran across this. Not sure what they were thinking…not entirely entirely sure of what they were trying to sell. But the boat dock nearby started to take on a whole different connotation in my head. I wondered if I would hear the rustling of chains inside if I were to get close to one of the ships.



Ms. London- a screeching banshee oblivious to the world around her

Oh, Ms. London. How do I even begin to describe thee?
I call her Ms. London because she claims that city as her
origin and is quite convinced that everyone from there goes
about their day to day business in the same way that she
does – screeching and screaming and making death threats over
everything from her utility bill to her child’s potty training.
I can assure you, even with my dismal perspective of England;
London is not quite that bad. At least when it comes to the business and tourist sections one does not hear loud screeching or see men in business attire regularly breaking out their fists or stabbing each other in order to decide where they should go for lunch.

Ethnography of the Chav

Chav women enjoy having their nails and hair done. They must look like they have money and often wear fake gold jewelry in order to pull off this farce. Chav men and women alike enjoy living in social housing complexes (projects), wearing Adidas and Nike branded clothing, having cheap vehicles with overdone modifications and rims; and listening to a loud mix of Hollywood produced canned gangsta rap, Celine Dion, and current pop music. Both males and females wear track clothing without ever actually exercising, and the women have a love of the color hot pink as well as an over- abuse of makeup. I have also heard that they enjoy spending their days hanging out at McDonalds.

Civilization Televised, Violence Scripted

The presence of CCTV tends to keep the ill-behaved ones in line most of the time. After all, the English do know how to behave when being watched. Do not go into the suburbs or residential areas. More than once I have seen drivers in those areas randomly throw glass bottles out the windows at women and children that they thought not to be of the same class. Or maybe they are all in rival gangs and no one has told me – seriously, the place is reminiscent of a bad prison movie and most of the English I have met would be incredibly proud to be in such a film.
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